I love quoting myself!

1. वर्षा की बूँदें जब दिल्ली की सरज़मीं को छूती हैं तो सैकड़ों हज़ारों गाड़ियां उनके सम्मान में घंटों तक सडकों पर मौन में खड़ी हो जाती हैं.
2. Sex without emotions is like tea without sugar. Healthy for diabetics.
3. He goes to sleep when you say what you have done for him. He wakes up when you say what you will do for him.
4. A 3-hour-long feature film does have just one director. But a 30-second-long ad film does have so many directors: National Creative Director, Executive Creative Director, Senior Creative Director, Creative Director, Associate Creative Director……
5. It doesn't hurt when a branded garments shop charges 1000 rupees extra. But it surely hurts when a vegetable vendor charges 1 rupee extra.
6. Before joining advertising, I used to say, “Hey Bhagwan!” Now I say, “Oh f***!” Certainly, I have become cool.
7. Can't I reach to paradise without dying?
8. After how much work experience does one start feeling secure about his job?
9. Leaving your job without having a new one can be as thrilling as bungee jumping.
10. Give me some intelligence; give me some brain. Give me maturity, so that I can work again!
11. If anything in this creative world is certain, if Bollywood has taught us anything, it is that you can steal credit of anybody in broad daylight.
12. Dear Client! At my signal, unleash stupidity.
13. Everybody should get married. It helps in sharing the rent.
14. I'm scared of my own dog in my own home. That's life.
15. A typical Hindu marriage has so many rituals that one gets dead tired. Then he/she decides to stay with the same person for the next seven lives.
16. If you don't like smoking or drinking, try cribbing.
17. बातों के भूत लातों से नहीं मानते!
18. Time flies like an arrow. In winters, it flies like an AK 47 bullet.
19. One week away from the office, and I forgot my office computer's password.
20. Some people feel cold because the weather is cold. Some people feel cold because the air is foggy. And some people feel cold because they find on TV that the temperature of their city is quite low.
21. What's so bad about getting old? Here I'm not talking about becoming 80 plus. I'm talking about crossing the dreaded barrier of 25.
22. Can I ask you out for a cup of wine?
23. People say,"Don't take tension." As if tension is the extra cheese with burger you can just refuse to take.
24. I wanted to find myself. So I googled myself. Gosh! I felt lost among 2 million Alok Ranjans I found.
25. दीवालों की दीवाली होती है बड़ी मतवाली!
26. If one donkey refuses to take the load of two donkeys, he is called a bad donkey.
27. Whenever I change my house, a temple with a morning loudspeaker follows.
28. सुबह होती है, शाम होती है. जिन्दगी फेसबुक पे तमाम होती है.
29. Women behaving like men are as attractive as men behaving like women.
30. The age of 25 is a milestone. A boy realizes white hair will soon start chasing his head. A girl wonders why a knot hasn't started chasing her so far.
31. Never be too useful to your company. The fattest chicken gets served first.
32. हे ईश्वर! अगले जन्म में मुझे ऑटोवाला बनाना. सुबह-सुबह जब ऑफिस जानेवाले मेरी ऑटो की ओर आकर्षित होकर मुझे घेर लेंगे, तब मैं भी उस सुन्दर स्त्री की तरह रूखेपन से बर्ताव करूँगा जिसे आशिकों की कमी नहीं है.
33. बारिश का मज़ा तब है जब आप पैंट नीचे से मोड़कर, हाथ में छाता लिए दिल्ली की नहर जैसी सड़कों में अपने मध्यमवर्गीय पैरों से पानी को हेलते हुए ऑफिस पहुँचें.
34. Beauty lies in the lens of a good camera.
35. मुझे नफ़रत है उनसे. फिर भी चाहता हूँ वो मुझे पसंद करें.
36. एक वायरस कंप्यूटर को हिजड़ा बना डालता है.
37. Crib about bad and get something worse.
38. When I'm learning, I can't do it right. When I've learned, I can't do it wrong.
39. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you crib about it.
40. If you have money to purchase everything and time to enjoy nothing, you are doing well in life.
41. न कोई मरता है, न कोई मारता है. गीता में लिखा है और मुझे भी कुछ ऐसा ही लगता है.
42. Time flies like a supersonic plane. By the time you hear its sound, it's gone.
43. Why do I get what I ask for others !???!!@#$%
44. I've got a strange Midas touch. I touch a computer and it's mother board stops working.
45. Conditions are so bad that Indians are paying more attention to the news of weather than to the death of the singer.
46. Boys don't cry. They prefer heart attacks.
47. INDIAN ONLINE DATING Scenario: 20 girls on every 20000 guys. 10 out of these 20 girls have put profile pictures of Kareen, Katreena or Ash. 18 of them have written hardly 2-3 sentences with 20-30 grammatical errors, in their profile. 15 of them are 35 plus. The rest haven't logged in for one million years.
    
48. Lalu has been wiped out. But the cowdung stains will take a while to go away.
49. How can BJP ever be the party of youth? Atal didn't have a son, Modi won't have one.
50. Every dog has his day. But for a bitch, everyday is her day.
51. My favourite jokebook is the diary in which I write plans.
52. Everybody is rich, happy and white. Oh, I must be in Select Citywalk Mall.
53. "What's in a name? Tell me your surname." -An Indian Voter
54. When life gives you a lemon, be grateful it didn't give you red chilli.
55. The recipe of social bonding has three ingredients: 1.Solid(chicken) 2.Liquid(booze) 3.Gas(smoke).