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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I love quoting myself - 4

1.       If a news reporter is around, never get hit by a truck. He will jump at you with a camera and microphone to ask: How are you feeling?

2.       If you are in advertising, never talk to your IITian friends. Their trips to Europe and deadly salary won't make you feel very good about yourself.

3.       I was about to celebrate purchasing a nice LCD TV for just 20k when I came to know tomato is Rs. 60 per kg.

4.       Time is money. Then how come everybody has the same amount of time, but not money?

5.       Early to sleep and early to rise, and you'd never find friends online on Facebook chat.

6.       My expenditure is like a condom. It can smoothly cover the hugest income.

7.       Money doesn't bring happiness. Having more money than others brings happiness.

8.       If you are good at something, your billion-dollar company would expect you to do it for free.

9.       The world is a beautiful place if we go by the profile pictures on Facebook.

10.   Black goggles are for those whose eyes reveal everything about them.

11.   God's greatest fuck-up is the way he distributed luck.

12.   Earlier it was impolite to ask a woman her age and a man his income. Now it’s the other way round.

13.   When I was climbing the ladder of success, I forgot it's the age of elevators.

14.   Advertising and Adversity, both start with same letters - 'adver'.

15.   We pass through 3 stages: childhood, youth and 'Hey, I am still young."

16.   The most memorable weekends are those that are spent in office.

17.   The 30 days after you put in your papers are some of the best days of your life. You can boss around, remind your colleagues that it's already 6pm and tell your boss that you have made programmes for weekend.

18.   When somebody is explaining the obvious, act surprised

19.   People lose their whole families within a second. And we worry about red signal at traffic.

20.   Pakistan has banned Facebook and Youtube. Coincidentally, these two were blocked on my official computer also two days back.

21.   It's good to have enemies. Life gets some purpose.

22.   I have the costliest hammer in the world. It can also be used as a cellphone at times.

23.   Money doesn't bring happiness. Only income taxes.

24.   God, I want something new. Even a new problem will do.

25.   The ultimate aim of life is to relax.

26.   Alcoholics are more charming than workaholics.

27.   If you kill one, you get thrown into a dark cell with petty criminals. If you kill hundred, you get your personal special security cell where you can hum your favourite movie songs.

28.   Giving back an honest suggestion is the best revenge for getting any kind of suggestion.

29.   Please accept my respect for your command over vocabulary. Now express yourself in simple and less words.

30.   Clouds for 5 hours and rain for 5 milliseconds. It's Delhi.

31.   Everybody has got a time quota in our lives. It maybe of 50 seconds or 50 years. Once that quota is exhausted, that person is gone and we can’t do much to meet again.

32.   Throw the first impression of somebody into the first dustbin you come across.

33.   I have loved cricket twice; in Lagaan and in Iqbal.

34.   Kindly keep honking. I want to see how it clears the traffic jam.

35.   “If I have to take your suggestions, I will charge double money.” – An artist to his client

36.   If you can do in 100 minutes what can be done in 10 minutes and pretend that it took you 1000 minutes, please send me your resume.

37.   When sleeping pills fail, trust a power point presentation.

38.   It's amazing how a gun in hand improves the persuasion skills of somebody within seconds.

39.   Don't be indifferent. Hate me, at least.

40.   Change your world before you change the world.

41.   Satya Sai Baba is coming to Delhi. All handsome guys must stay at home.

42.   There are no boring subjects. There are only boring writers.

43.   Somebody could play better but I had better toys. Somebody had more brains but I could afford finer schools. Somebody had talent but I had opportunities. Life is unfair. But this time I am not complaining.

44.   Either watch the movie or read its review in the Times of India. Don't do both. Your brain won't be able to take it.

45.   When you see crowd in metros, you feel like enforcing 'chastity' on everyone for the next 50 years.

46.   When people hire sex detectives to test the fidelity of their partners, what are they more insecure about – their partners’ love or their own attractiveness?

      47.बूँद बूँद से घड़ा भरता है. पर घड़ा भरने तक इंसान प्यास से तड़प-तड़प कर दुनिया को अलविदा कह चुका होता है.